The truth about Omer Bhatti's parents!

Publication: National Enquirer

Date: 5 Sept. 2011



Welcome to gossip hell 2011 style Omer Bhatti! The kid was a hanger-on in the Michael Jackson universe back in the 1990s, and there were rumors that he was Michael's illegitimate son.

But now the story gets a little crazier. Etterlene DeBarge, mother of the DeBarge clan and Janet Jackson's former mother-in-law, says Omer is the child of El Debarge and Janet.



The Enquirer printed this because crazy old bats are never wrong.

Damn You Fat Alert™:Janet Jackson gains 21 lbs. in eight weeks

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 14 February 2011

Janet Jackson, the second most popular of the Jackson siblings, started her musical career a little pudgy and slimmed down to the figure of a swimsuit model, with many photos of her wearing about as much clothing as she is wearing in the picture above. The Enquirer says she has gained 21 pounds in eight weeks.

Ms. Jackson to me ('cos I'm nasty) turns 45 this year.

Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™:Janet to Oprah: "You Make Me Sick!"

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 22 November 2010

Three weeks ago, the story of the Janet-Oprah feud was in the Globe. Now the story make the step up to the Enquirer, the lead publication of the Three Wicked Step Sisters. Janet is allegedly upset about Oprah interviewing Michael's kids. Neither story says anything about how Oprah feels about Janet.

Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™:Janet Jackson says Oprah Winfrey is a fraud!

Publication: Globe
Date: 1 November 2010

If we are to believe the Globe, and that is a questionable proposition at best, Janet Jackson is angry with Oprah Winfrey for betraying the memory of her late brother Michael.

This is the 27th story about Oprah Winfrey this year in the supermarket rags, one in OK! and all the rest in the magazines in the AMI kennel. The editors at the Enquirer, Globe, Star, Examiner and Sun pretty much hate her.

Demon Drugs Alert™:Intervention for Whitney Houston

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 18 Oct. 2010

The Enquirer is the magazine interested in the Whitney Houston saga. In Touch had one story about her snorting coke in public, but all the rest of the stories this year have been run by The Flagship. This story actually has a glimmer of hope to it.

Whitney's friends are staging an intervention. Bobby Brown is quoted as saying "This is all my fault." He also is given credit for staging a secret meeting. Among the alleged attendees were Janet Jackson, Denzel Washington and Brandy.

I usually don't write this about stories in the Enquirer. I actually hope this one is true.

Problems With Plastic Alert™:Plastic surgery shockers in the Enquirer

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 19 July 2010

The Flagship has a bunch of pictures of celebrities on their cover this week and all of them look like death eating a cracker. There's one "Guess Who?" picture with the caption making it harder to see who it is, but I don't go for that. Here's the list of the people they identify.

Nicole Kidman: It's almost required by law now that if you are going to do a story about bad plastic surgery that you include Nicole Kidman. She's only 43, which means she's between the ages of Jennifer Aniston and Courteney Cox, who both look really good and mostly natural, but her face looks stretched tight the way much older women look after bad work.

Janet Jackson: She's always had a very wide smile, but wearing very little make-up in the picture on the cover, she's starting to look like The Joker.

Barbara Eden and Tina Louise: These were two of the prettiest women in Hollywood back in the 1960s, but they are both in their mid-seventies now and not willing to admit it. Eden looks stretched and Louise looks hacked. Very sad.

Christopher Walken: Walken is 67 and he looks it. His skin is saggy, but that's what happens when you get older. The Flagship found a very unflattering picture of him. I've been online and seen recent pictures where he looks better than he does on the cover.

Octomom: Her picture is part of this story, so I mention her. She doesn't get a label. The other people actually did something entertaining to become celebrities, so in my book, she doesn't belong.

Hairdresser and Comfy Shoes Alert™:The Flagship has another "Who's Gay and Who's Not" cover

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 14 June 2010

The same three tabloids that do the majority of death predictions also do the majority of celebrity outings, and that would be the Enquirer, Examiner and Globe, all owned by the same corporation. The pictures take up the majority of the cover this week, and since the title is "who's gay and who's not", you have to look inside to find out which is which.

I didn't look inside. I don't really care.

Here's the list of faces with names. There are also two women kissing behind a coy "Guess who?" headline making it difficult to identify the pair. I didn't look inside because I really don't care.

• Ricky Martin, the only person on the cover who is openly gay to my knowledge
• Bono of U2
• Michael Emerson from Lost
• Janet Jackson
• Jada Pinkett Smith
• Monica Lewinsky
• Crystal Bowersox

None of these people make a living professing hatred of homosexuality or promising a cure, so I consider it completely none of my business who they like to get nekkid with. That's just how I roll.