Love Bird Alert™:Jennifer Aniston and Jake Gyllenhaal.

Publications: In Touch, OK!
Date: 28 February 2011

Jennifer Aniston and Jake Gyllenhaal were seen in public recently, so the gossip industry immediately takes it to the next step. You know the equation by now.

Seen in public = privately performing unspeakable acts.

Both parties are saying they are just friends.

They worked together in the 2002 movie The Good Girl. The picture above is from 2003. Jake has only been gossip fodder since last fall, but this is the third woman he has been linked to in the supermarket rags since he started dating Taylor Swift, so I'm going to give this post the "man slut" label. To be honest, I'm beginning to think sfmike might be right about all this being an elaborate ruse to make sure Jake doesn't get into stories with the label "Hairdresser alert".

Love Bird Alert™:Jake and Taylor reconcile?

Publications: In Touch, Us Weekly
Date: 7 February 2011

According to two of The Only Ten Magazines That Matter, the on again-off again romance of Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal is on again. The story is that Jake went to Nashville unannounced to try a reconciliation. Here are the headlines.

• Us Weekly: Jake begs forgiveness
• In Touch: Taylor: Jake spends the night

Way to beg forgiveness, buddy!

On the rocks alert:Jake's cruel rebound.

Publication: In Touch
Date: 31 January 2011

In the fall, they were the cutest new celebrity couple, but fall turned to winter and Jake and Taylor were through. Who's to blame? The Only Ten Magazines That Matter would have it that he was a cad, but now a new wrinkle has been added.

Or should I say a new lack of wrinkles? Welcome to (adult) gossip hell, Camilla Belle! Weeks after breaking up with Taylor, Jake has been seen escorting the 24 year old actress around. The thing that makes this cruel, according to In Touch, is that Camilla also stole Taylor's last boyfriend away as well.

Ms. Belle has been working in films since before she was ten and, like almost anyone that age in the business these days, spent time working in projects for the Disney Channel. She was previously romantically linked with Joe Jonas, if that is the correct adverb.

On the rocks alert:Taylor's torment.

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 24 January 2011

According to Us Weekly, Taylor Swift is devastated by the breakup with Jake Gyllenhaal. They write that he broke up with her over the phone (tacky), and they promise more details inside.

I have no inside information. Regular readers will know that I don't even open up the gossip rags, I just read the covers. But I'm starting to believe my blog buddy sfmike might be on the right track when he guesses Jake is a hairdresser trying to throw the public off the track and thereby continuing to get leading man roles.

On the rocks alert:Taylor burned by Jake

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 17 January 2011

What looked to be the couple of the fall season, Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal, apparently did not last into the winter. Us gives it the spin that it was Jake who is to blame, though commenter #1 thinks it's young Miss Swift who is more the love 'em and leave 'em type. It should be noted that Jake had a three year relationship with Reese Witherspoon that ended when she dumped him in 2009.

On the rocks alert:Taylor jealous of Jake's co-star

Publication: In Touch
Date: 27 December 2010

There have been plenty of Taylor'N'Jake stories since the beginning of November, none of them in the rags from the AMI kennel, so the stories have had a generally positive slant. Of course, there has to be trouble in paradise or where's the drama? Taylor is jealous of Jake's co-star in a project. No word on the cover whether this is Anne Hathaway, with whom Jake appeared nude in the movie Love and Other Drugs, currently in theaters so filmed long before Taylor'N'Jake became a couple, or the jealousy is about a project currently being filmed.

Love Bird Alert™:Jake and Taylor house hunting

Publication: In Touch
Date: 20 December 2010

Gossip romances are often just fluff. For instance, Kim Kardashian and Gabriel Aubry, the hot hunk who is the father of Halle Berry's adorable kid? They got their first gossip rag cover stories just last week and they've already broken up, according to online sources.

On the other hand, Jake Gyllenhaal and Taylor Swift have now been dating for six weeks! That's like celebrating your Diamond Anniversary in the supermarket gossip time measurement system. In Touch says they are at the house hunting stage, when just last week they were at the "meet the parents" stage.

Well, let their former love lives be forgotten and this blog will wish them every happiness, in accordance with the pro-love policy we follow. At least they are young, healthy and both of them employed, which is more than can be said for some other couples in the supermarket rags, including one that will be mentioned later today.

Is Jake too old for Taylor?

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 20 December 2010

Well, finally somebody somewhere does a little math. The Sophisticated French Rule is that a man can cut his age in half and add seven to that, and anyone that old or older is fair game for romance.

Jake Gyllenhaal is 30. Half of that is 15, add seven is 22. Taylor Swift is 20. Ergo, she is too young for him.

Next lesson: The metric system.

Love Bird Alert™:Jake and Taylor at the "meeting the parents" stage

Publications: OK!, Us Weekly
Date: 13 December 2010

Taylor Swift has been romantically linked with a lot of guys this year, but the gossip mags are trying to convince us that this time she's serious about Jake Gyllenhaal. A month ago they were having secret getaways, and now both OK! and Us Weekly say they are meeting the parental units.

Further proof that this isn't just talk is this picture somebody took on a cell phone at some retail outlet in Nashville.

Love Bird Alert™:Taylor and Jake's secret getaway

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 15 November 2010

Fresh trash delivered tomorrow. Last trash of the week... right now!

This was an unusual week in the gossip rags. The big stars of the year so far were almost completely ignored. No Sandra Bullock, no BrAngelina, not one mention of a Kardashian. Jennifer Aniston got half a story for being 41 and hot. Us Weekly does have a cover story about a couple that appears to be a new gossip favorite, actor Jake Gyllenhaal and singer Taylor Swift.

I was surprised to find that Jake is only 29, while Taylor is 20. While that isn't a huge creepy age difference, it does break the sophisticated French rule of half your age plus seven. By that standard, Jake shouldn't date anyone younger than 22.

Ah, but it's young people in love, and do they listen to their elders? Almost never.

Love Bird Alert™:Taylor Swift is dating Jake Gyllenhaal

Publication: People, Us Weekly
Date: 8 November 2010

Rumors are swirling around Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal. They met on Saturday Night Live and allegedly went apple picking out of town together, though there isn't a picture of them in the same shot. Here are the headlines.

People: Jake and Taylor?
Us Weekly: Taylor and Jake - sudden romance

He's 30 and she's 20, so he's trolling under the Sophisticated French Rule of half your age plus seven.