Love Bird Alert™: Joe Jonas wants Taylor Swift back.

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 19 Sept. 2011

According to Us Weekly, rapidly aging teen scream Joe Jonas wants Taylor Swift to be his girlfriend again. He's 22, she's 21, so there isn't a real age gap, but the young man has to learn a valuable lesson.

Once you've been eaten alive and spit out, you lose some of your desirability to the one who ate you.

Love Bird Alert™: Taylor and Taylor, it's on again!

Publication: Star

Date: 29 August 2011



Before Kanye West behaved like an asshole at the MTV Awards, I barely knew who Taylor Swift was. Now she's a minor gossip star for her romantic misadventures. Star tells us she's back together with Taylor Lautner from the Twilight series, the two of them seen here in a serious PDA.

Love Bird Alert™: Taylor Swift and Glee's Chord Overstreet

Publications: Weekly Life & Style, Us Weekly
Date: 14 March 2011

2011 has not been a good year for Taylor Swift's love life, if we are to believe The Only Ten Magazines That Matter. Most of the stories have been about her pining away or how upset she is that Jake Gyllenhaal dumped her. But she's still pretty, young and famous, so not surprisingly she's getting on with her life. The latest notch on her guitar neck is allegedly Chord Overstreet from Glee, with whom she was seen at a hockey game. He is not actually mentioned on either cover, but Google "taylor swift glee" and click on the news and you can find plenty of stories about them online and several pictures, all of them taken at the same hockey game.

Here are the headlines.

• Weekly Life & Style: Taylor's revenge romance
• Us Weekly: Taylor Swift - dating a Glee stud

I've only watched a few episodes of Glee and I don't know this guy from Adam, but at least he's tall enough for young Taylor, who is listed at a willowy 5'11" (1m 80).

In accordance with this blog's pro-love policy, we wish the young couple all the best, even though the young lady goes through beaus like Sherman through Georgia.

Love Bird Alert™:Jake and Taylor reconcile?

Publications: In Touch, Us Weekly
Date: 7 February 2011

According to two of The Only Ten Magazines That Matter, the on again-off again romance of Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal is on again. The story is that Jake went to Nashville unannounced to try a reconciliation. Here are the headlines.

• Us Weekly: Jake begs forgiveness
• In Touch: Taylor: Jake spends the night

Way to beg forgiveness, buddy!

On the rocks alert:Jake's cruel rebound.

Publication: In Touch
Date: 31 January 2011

In the fall, they were the cutest new celebrity couple, but fall turned to winter and Jake and Taylor were through. Who's to blame? The Only Ten Magazines That Matter would have it that he was a cad, but now a new wrinkle has been added.

Or should I say a new lack of wrinkles? Welcome to (adult) gossip hell, Camilla Belle! Weeks after breaking up with Taylor, Jake has been seen escorting the 24 year old actress around. The thing that makes this cruel, according to In Touch, is that Camilla also stole Taylor's last boyfriend away as well.

Ms. Belle has been working in films since before she was ten and, like almost anyone that age in the business these days, spent time working in projects for the Disney Channel. She was previously romantically linked with Joe Jonas, if that is the correct adverb.

On the rocks alert:Taylor's torment.

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 24 January 2011

According to Us Weekly, Taylor Swift is devastated by the breakup with Jake Gyllenhaal. They write that he broke up with her over the phone (tacky), and they promise more details inside.

I have no inside information. Regular readers will know that I don't even open up the gossip rags, I just read the covers. But I'm starting to believe my blog buddy sfmike might be on the right track when he guesses Jake is a hairdresser trying to throw the public off the track and thereby continuing to get leading man roles.

On the rocks alert:Taylor burned by Jake

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 17 January 2011

What looked to be the couple of the fall season, Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal, apparently did not last into the winter. Us gives it the spin that it was Jake who is to blame, though commenter #1 thinks it's young Miss Swift who is more the love 'em and leave 'em type. It should be noted that Jake had a three year relationship with Reese Witherspoon that ended when she dumped him in 2009.

On the rocks AND Love Bird Alert™:Taylor Swift still loves her ex

Publication: In Touch
Date: 10 January 2011

For about two months, the hottest new celebrity couple has been Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal. Two weeks ago, In Touch told us that Taylor is jealous of Jake's co-star in Love and Other Drugs Anne Hathaway. Now they tell us she is also still in love with her ex-boyfriend.

If you follow the gossip rags, you'll know the description "Taylor Swift's ex-boyfriend" lacks specificity. I'll admit it. I actually opened the magazine up to find out who they were talking about, and it turns out to be Taylor Lautner, he of the funny nose and squinty eyes and fabulous abs that more than compensate for any other physical flaws.

I violated the prime directive. You're welcome.