Canonization Alert: More miracles for Saint Michael Jackson

Publication: Weekly World News (via the Sun)
Date: 25 October 2010

The Weekly World News, bless their hearts, are claiming that pressure is being put on Pope Benedict to make Michael Jackson a saint because of miracles done in his name.

It's common practice to mock Michael Jackson. It's actually an effort not to do so, but I put up this picture of him to remind people there was a time when he was a good looking young man who recorded an excellent and under-appreciated album called Off the Wall, before he recorded Thriller and was consumed by fame and weirdness.

Skeeter Davis Alert™ and more!:Three bold predictions before Turkey Day

Publication: Sun
Date: 13 Sept. 2010

It pays to have standards. I have made it clear to the Sun that I will tell folks what is on the cover of their dirt cheap, completely made-up rag IF THEY GIVE SPECIFIC DATES for the end of the world or other prophecies.

This week, they did just that, promising 100 prophecies that will come true before Turkey Day, three whoppers put on the front cover.



Pope Benedict, the guy who looks like a Mafia don but is really a Nazi, will reveal the end of the world before the kickoff of Dallas Cowboys-New Orleans Saints on Thanksgiving.

Now, I don't mean RIGHT before. It's not part of the pre-game show. It's just supposed to happen before Thanksgiving.

You get the idea.



Billy Graham will let us know an angel has exposed God's plan for peace.

I hope it involves sticking a sock in the mouth of Billy's idiot son Franklin.



And last but not least... okay, maybe least, Hillary Clinton will finally file for divorce from Bill.

Hill! Hon! It's the end of the world! Let the Big Dog hunt! It's not like he's got anything better to do.