Kick a corpse, why don'tcha?Lots and lots of bad stuff about Teddy Kennedy

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 6 September 2010

Fresh trash on Thursdays, and this is the trashiest!

Until I saw the last two tabloids of the week, the very cheap Sun and Examiner that don't have websites that show their covers on Wednesday before they are on the newsstand on Thursday, I had no idea what would even qualify for Meanest Story of the Week, but this cover on the Examiner is so nasty, I decided not even to make a contest of it this week. The allegations against the dead man who can't defend himself include a cover up of the Chappaquiddick investigation, sex party blackmail and Mafia connections. The first one is pretty run of the mill, but the last two are the kind of creepiness that makes the Examiner both a joke and a cancer at the same time.

Kick several corpses, why don'tcha?Ted Kennedy's secret diary

Publication: Globe
Date: 19 July 2010

Fresh trash on Thursdays!

I've only seen eight of the covers of The Only Ten Magazines That Matter this week, the ones that put previews online. Of those, this one gets my vote for Meanest Story of the Week. The Globe, one of the unreliable and cheap sister publications of the Enquirer, says they have Ted Kennedy's secret diary. In this alleged bombshell of a historical find, Ted claims he and Jackie were lovers and Aristotle Onassis plotted to kill Ted.

How many of the people involved have denied this story? As you might guess, none, because all of them are dead.

You might notice that there is a hand in the foreground of the picture of Jackie and Ted together that doesn't belong to either of them. There was a third person in this photo and I cropped him out since he's not in the story. Some might consider this dishonest. Compared to the Globe, I am a rank amateur at dishonesty.

Kick several corpses, why don'tcha?The Kennedys and booze

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 14 June 2010

Guess what? Ted Kennedy was a drunk.

Guess what else? Kennedy and partying go together like corned beef and cabbage.

Other Kennedys mentioned include:

• Michael, who went to rehab and is now dead (1999 skiing accident in Aspen)
• Robert F. Kennedy, Jr., arrested in 1983 for heroin possession
• Mary Kennedy, DUI
• Patrick Kennedy, three trips though rehab
• David Kennedy, drug overdose in 1984

Very little of this qualifies as news, but that's never stopped the Examiner in the past.

Kick a corpse, why don'tcha?Ted Kennedy's F.B.I. files coverup!

Publication: Globe

Date: 10 May 2010

Let's do the math, tabloid style! Nearly half the populace doesn't vote, and the rest are split fairly evenly left and right. This means that a majority of the readers of tabloids should hate any given politician.

The Globe decides that it fair to go after Ted Kennedy now, what with him being dead and all. I'm sure the F.B.I. would be glad to verify this story. I'll call them tomorrow to check it out.

Or not.