Kick a corpse, why don'tcha and Meanest Story nominee: Buddhism killed Steve Jobs!

Publication: National Examiner

Date: 7 Nov. 2011

The low rent Examiner tells us there is a "Harvard report" that claims Buddhist beliefs killed Steve Jobs.  It's a sign of how well known Jobs was that the low rent Examiner thinks their demographic, which skews older, more Southern and more dense, will know who he is and judge him on his scary non-Christian beliefs.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Farewell to Steve Jobs 1955-2011

Publications: People, OK!
Date: 24 Oct. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! The two nicest gossip rags both give nice send-offs to Steve Jobs on their covers this week. While Jobs is not the most famous person to die this year - that honor belongs to either Miss Elizabeth Taylor or Osama Bin Laden - he is the person whose life is the most relevant to the way people live in 2011. Here are the headlines.

• People: The Life & Genius of Steve Jobs
  Farewell to an American original
  His Private World
  His Brave Battle
  1955-2011
• OK!: Steve Jobs 1955-2011
  Touching celeb tributes
  

Best wishes to the family and friends of Steve Jobs, from a guy less than a year younger than him, writing a silly blog on a Mac.

Breaking news: Steve Jobs dead at age 56.

Source: NPR
Date: 5 Oct. 2011

Several news sources are confirming Apple's announcement that Steve Jobs died today at the age of 56. While Jobs did outlive the six week deadline the National Enquirer set for his demise earlier this year, he is the second person to get an Expiration Date from the tabloids who outlived the prediction but died within the year, the first being Elizabeth Edwards.

Best wishes to the friends and family of Steve Jobs.

Breaking news: Steve Jobs resigns as Apple CEO

(photo nicked from gizmodo.com)



As has been reported in many outlets, Steve Jobs has resigned today as CEO of Apple. None of the official statements mention it, but it is widely assumed to be health related.



This only counts as breaking news for tabloid fodder because the National Enquirer gave Jobs six week to live back in February. Obviously, they overstated the severity of the health issue, but many people fear it may have been just an overstatement and not an outright lie.



For the record, the tabloids suck at predicting death. The only correct expiration date so far was when the low rent Examiner said this year would be Miss Elizabeth Taylor's last birthday, and even this one can be discounted when we take into consideration how many death knells she heard in the gossip rags since the early 1960s.



The missed deadlines include Whitney Houston, Aretha Franklin, Michael Douglas, Dick Clark and Bill Clinton. Unfortunately, there is also the case of Elizabeth Edwards who died a few months after her six month expiration date passed.



Best wishes to Mr. Jobs, his family and friends, from someone writing a blog post on an Apple computer.

Missed deadline alert: Steve Jobs is still alive.

Six weeks ago, the National Enquirer wrote that Steve Jobs of Apple had six weeks to live. Here it is, six weeks and one day later and Mr. Jobs is still alive. Steve joins Dick Clark, Michael Douglas and Bill Clinton as the folks still alive after a prediction of death in a given time. Last year, Elizabeth Edwards also missed a deadline but died about two months after the predicted time. The only correct deadline prediction so far in 2010 and 2011 is Miss Elizabeth Taylor, when the Globe said her birthday in February 2011 would be her last.

Recall that the Enquirer was given a lot of credit a few years back when they predicted Michael Jackson had six months to live and he died before that deadline was up. Like most folks with "correct" predictions of this nature, there is a lot of guesswork going on and they expect we won't recall the mistakes.

This blog exists to make sure the mistakes get a full airing.

Best wishes to Steve Jobs, his family and friends, from a blogger writing on a Mac.

Meanest Story nominee: Steve Jobs has six weeks to live.

(photo nicked from Gizmodo.com)
Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 28 February 2011

Welcome to gossip hell, Steve Jobs! A few weeks back, the face of Apple computer since its inception stated he would take some time off to address a health concern. The Flagship decided to tell us this week he shouldn't fill out a March Madness bracket because he won't be around to watch the Final Four play.

Here are the facts I've been able to find wandering around the Internet. Jobs was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in 2003 but it was operable and it's gone. In 2009, he had a liver transplant. That's a lot of serious health problems for a guy who is my age, but obviously he can afford the best health care in the world.

Not every Brave Last Days story gets nominated for Meanest Story of the Week, but when they have Expiration Dates as well, the nomination is pretty much sewn up.

Best wishes to Steve Jobs, his family and friends, from a guy writing a blog on a Mac Mini.