What Michelle is hiding from America!

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 7 March 2011

The low rent Examiner once again lets us in that Michelle Obama is hiding stuff, big scary stuff that could bring her husband's presidency crumbling down.

That's because they are scary!!!

You know, because they're... colored.

You may think that phrase is out of date, but given the Old Timers who read the low rent Examiner, I wouldn't be surprised if their average reader still uses that word.

Scary White House Alert™: Obama's lost photos prove his Muslim past!

Publication: Globe

Date: 12 Apr. 2010

Think of how pissed the tabloids must be at the people who send the crazy right wing e-mails that become chain letters you get from your unhinged older relatives. (I fortunately don't have any unhinged older relatives, but I hear about this crap from friends.) After all, the tabloids INVENTED the crazy untrue story format in the first place and they are getting no residual payments!

So unfair.

So the two tabloids that skew towards an older audience, the Globe and the Examiner, got some demographic data that told them how old the median Fox News watcher is (older than dirt), and decided to start feeding this crowd what they want, scary stories about the scary Obamas.

Because, you know... they're colored.

The Globe has pictures of Obama when he was a kid that PROVE he was a Muslim and took all the secret oaths and he's going to become a suicide bomber and everything.

'Cause that's how Muslims roll.

Scary White House Alert™: Michelle's rages rock White House

Publication: National Examiner

Date: 5 Apr. 2010

I've created a new alert label today, the Scary White House Alert™. Instead of telling us that the Obamas marriage is on the rocks, the tabloids have decided to tell us that things in the White House are scary because of the scary Obamas.

Because, you know... they're colored.

Last week's Examiner, which didn't show up in Oakland for a week, tells us the White House staff is constantly on edge because Michelle Obama is prone to violent rages. I'm sure it was her scariness that kept this important story from being delivered to Oakland on time.