Meanest story nominee: Murder shockers!

Publication: Globe
Date: 29 Sept. 2011

In what shapes up to be a very mean week in the gossip rags, the Globe claims that two dead people were in fact murdered, though official causes say otherwise.

Russell Armstrong, widely reported to have committed suicide, was instead executed, according to the Globe.

Promising autopsy secrets and new evidence, the cover story also claims James Brown was assassinated while in the hospital.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Good Friday miracle alert:James Brown's body is missing.

Publication: National Examiner

Date: 5 Apr. 2010

There was a distribution snafu last week and the National Examiner that should have been delivered last week was nowhere to be found in my trips around Oakland. But lo, on this Good Friday, when the new Examiner could be found at DeLauer's, last week's Examiner miraculously appeared at Lucky's supermarket to tell us the wonderful mystery.

The body of James Brown is not to be found.

And lo, and angel of the Lord appeared to them and said:

"Why do you seek the living among the dead? Have you checked the hot tub?"

Let's hit it and quit!