Love Bird Alert™:Jessica Simpson and Eric Johnson

Publications: OK!, Us Weekly
Date: 19 July 2010

The tabloid news is a little slow this week. There are three reasons.

1. The Sun predicted that we are in the End Times, but gave no specific dates. Shame on you Sun. My rules are very clear.
2. Several of the supermarket rags wasted valuable space writing about Those Shows With The Roses and the Real Housewives of Who Cares, Wherever. Again, my rules are clear.
3. Lots of stories get covered in more than one rag.

Jessica Simpson has a new beau. Apparently, they have been seeing each other for five weeks, so earlier stories about a new beau are superceded. This one is Eric Johnson, who played for the San Francisco 49ers. To give you an idea of how important he was, I'm still kinda sorta a Niners fan and I barely knew he existed.

Still, he's dating sexual napalm, so his fame, however small and fleeting, is worth something.

Here are the two headlines. Can you tell the difference?

• OK! Baby for Jessica Simpson and ex-NFL player Eric Johnson
• Us Weekly: Jen's Married Man

Technically, Johnson is already divorced. The sub-headline on the cover of Us says "She met his folks and he sleeps over every night. He's the reason for her crash diet. Inside Simpson's risky new romance."

Which is more trustworthy, OK! or Us Weekly? Actually, it's a dead heat, but not in a good way.