Publication: Sun
Date: 12 Apr. 2010
While this isn't happy news on Good Friday, if true it means the world is closer to the day when Jesus returns to rule in glory, so it must count as good news for somebody.
The Sun's prophecy headlines were a little vague, but the idea is that the evangelists have secret news that is not in your Bible, that tells more about the Resurrection and points to signs that the End Times have already begun. The word "evangelist" here doesn't refer to Oral Roberts, but to the folks who wrote the Gospels, like Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. As my favorite Biblical scholar Padre Mickey tells me, it's very unlikely that anyone has found new passages from the Four Gospels in the book, but there were many Gospels that early Christians considered part of the canon, including Gospels by Thomas, Mary Magdalene and Judas. Some of these books are much wackier than the stuff you'll find in the drawer of a motel.
This is not to say that the prediction of the end times are true, only that the Sun actually might have an ancient text that is the basis for their story and not just some made up nonsense. Wikipedia says that of all the tabloids, the Sun is the only one that has a disclaimer that their stuff is "for entertainment purposes only".
Then again, The Boston Red Sox did win the World Series, Appalachian State did beat Michigan in college football and George W. Bush was elected President of the United States twice. Maybe one of those times when somebody said "This has to be a sign of the apocalypse!", that person actually got it right.